I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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