I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
