I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize