It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize