He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
