I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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