She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
