I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize