So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
