hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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