she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
