put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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