Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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