This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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