Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
