we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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