this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
