I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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