Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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