so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
