i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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