no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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