My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
