if you like me you must not know who I am
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
