I wish I only lived at night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
