I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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