I'm gonna have a badass scar
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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