my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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