I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize