"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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