after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
