she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
