Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize