Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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