and she was petting her beer can
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
