I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
