We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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