guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
