i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize