About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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