Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Even my vagina gasped.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
