...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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