do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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