Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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