Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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