there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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