So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize