my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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