come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
