he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
