My room smells like vodka and shame
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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