i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
two words: eviction party
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
