I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
