If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
