hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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