FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why do cheetos always look like penises
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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