My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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