the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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