I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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