I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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